Trouble finding your voice? Try looking for it underneath other peoples’ expectations.
Do you often find yourself trying to fit into someone else’s idea of who you should be? Maybe you’re trying to meet the expectations of your family or friends. Or, you’re conforming (or competing) with influencers on social media. If so, has this left you feeling as though your preferences and even your very identity is a square peg trying to force itself into a round hole?
Sacrificing your sense of self is no joke.
Belonging to yourself means embracing your authenticity and living your life true to who you are. It’s about recognizing that your real worth and value come from within, not from external validation.
Unfortunately – I would say tragically – the world has a way of blinding us to who we are and why we’re here. The world as we know it is growing increasingly inhospitable to our true self. If we are hoping for our true selves to emerge and flourish within the confines it has set for us, we will most certainly feel stressed, anxious, and downhearted. The point is not to escape from the world but to transform it. Too lofty, you say?
Not really. It actually comes more naturally than you may think, once you belong to yourself.
When you belong to yourself, you begin to:
- Trust your own voice and intuition
- Learn to appreciate your uniqueness and individuality
- Live a life that reflects your values, passions, and goals
- Experience a sense of inner confidence and personal freedom
So, how can you start (or strengthen) belonging to yourself?
1. Get in touch with your truth – your personal truth – independent of what others may think. This will lead to you becoming true to who you are. Take time to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Ask yourself: a. What are my values and beliefs? b. What brings me happiness and fulfillment? c. What are my strengths and weaknesses?
2. Monitor your efforts to be perfect. Own who you are, without apology or pretenses. Of course, invite and listen to feedback. But then evaluate it and see where you stand.
a. Start small with saying “NO” to something that doesn’t align with your values and priorities. These are small NOs.
b. Write down 3 things about yourself that you feel good about. Focus on your unique strengths and talents and your resilience and ability to learn from your mistakes. Once you do this more and more, you will shift your emotional orientation away from other peoples’ expectations toward your own intentions for yourself. You cannot pour from an empty cup; take care of yourself first.
3. Inner Congruence: align your thoughts, feelings and actions with your deeply held values and convictions.
a. Take hold of your essence and harness your true nature, your character, and your inner spirit and then, lead with these.
b. Share your true opinions with a trusted friend
c. Engage in activities and pursuits that gratify you.
4. Practice self-compassion: Extend the same understanding and kindness to yourself as you would to a dear friend. Be as impeccable with your words as you possibly can while at the same time be balanced with your critique of yourself. No one improves by beating themselves into improvement. Try catching yourself doing things right (I know you have many opportunities for this) and in that moment, acknowledge yourself.
Remember, belonging to yourself is not an end point but rather an exploration and a journey. It requires courage, patience, and kindness toward yourself. If you choose to step into this kind of self-awareness, the rewards are endless. And inevitable: You will live a life that belongs to no one else but YOU.
