It’s a curious thing, isn’t it?
Promises.
We make them all the time. There are the promises we make to other people and the ones we make to ourselves. When it comes to the other people part, we usually do okay: we show up as we said, we follow through on commitments, we even make sacrifices. But have you noticed that when it comes to keeping promises to ourselves, it’s a completely different matter? Here, we often fall short, let ourselves down, put off doing what we said we were going to do, or forget about it altogether.
Have you ever wondered why is this?
One reason is that we haven’t learned to trust ourselves. Or, we may have been talked out of trusting ourselves. Specifically, we may not trust in our right to take up space or have a life that matters. We can be paralyzed with indecision or self-doubt, such that keeping promises to ourselves can feel almost foreign. Beyond this, some of us are simply geared to tend to others’ needs way more than to our own.
The Importance of Trusting Yourself
What does it mean to trust yourself?
Trusting yourself means believing in your own abilities, judgment, and decision-making. It means believing that you’re capable of navigating life while at the same time feeling worthy of navigating life on your terms. It means feeling competent enough to live life well and deserving enough to have such a life. It involves following through on your commitments and having a direction in life.
When you trust yourself, you:
- Are curious and interested in how you and other humans think and feel
- Don’t walk around feeling as though you have something to prove
- Can hear and evaluate critiques of yourself without felling defensive
- Enjoy the process of learning about yourself
- Appreciate your own company
- Can tolerate uncomfortable feelings long enough to understand them
- Value authenticity in yourself and in others
- This creates the following results:
- Builds self-confidence, self-respect, and self-worth
- Develops resilience, perseverance and a deeper knowledge of yourself
- Evaluates situations better and makes more solid decisions
- Cultivates a stronger sense of self-awareness and intuition
- Better able to discern information
Breaking Promises to Yourself: the Cost
So, what really happens when we don’t keep promises to ourselves? The answer? We stay stuck. Stuck in our moods, stuck in our unproductivity, stuck in our frustration. Not a good feeling but perhaps one that we’re used to feeling.
Over time, we can experience:
– Eroding self-trust: When we consistently break promises to ourselves, we start to doubt our own abilities and commitments. We might feel inadequate and angry but don’t know why or what to do to feel better.
– Decreased motivation: Breaking promises to ourselves can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and frustration, making it harder to stay motivated and focused.
– Internal bullying: When we don’t keep our promises to ourselves, we may start to criticize and judge ourselves harshly, leading to a cycle of negative self-talk and self-doubt. In essence, we believe our inner bully.
Practical Strategies for Trusting Yourself and Keeping Promises to Yourself
So, how can you start trusting yourself and keeping promises to yourself? Here are some practical strategies that you can begin using immediately:
1. Start small: Begin with tiny commitments that you know you can easily fulfill. This will help you build momentum and develop your self-trust. Then, go to a promise that is slightly more challenging. If you have trouble, go back to previous (smaller) commitment.
2. Be specific: Clearly define what you’re committing to and when you’ll achieve it. Avoid vague promises or open-ended commitments.
3. Create accountability: Share your promises with another person, trusted friend or mentor and ask them to hold you accountable. Tell them why you want to be held accountable. Articulating this will help you.
4. Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and compassion when you make mistakes or slip up. Look for the balance between being understanding of yourself AND not being too easily swayed from your intention.
Conclusion:
Keeping promises to yourself is probably the singular, most essential ingredient for taking care of yourself, cultivating self-love and self-respect and building self-confidence. By trusting yourself and following through on your commitments, you can cultivate a stronger, more compassionate relationship with yourself. And, as readers of this newsletter know, the most important relationship we have is the one we have with ourselves. All others stem from this.
Remember, learning how to trust yourself or deepen your self-trust is a journey. There is no expiration date.
To promises kept,
Catherine
